Roady

One more drink and I'll hit the road. The sun's down, the ashtrays are full and somewhere a dinner is waiting for me. Three hours and a dozen beers have passed, I tried to chat up the blonde that still lolls on a leather sofa in front of me, fingering her drink with ruby tipped nails and biting, wide eyed into a piece of lime.

My day has been bad and there's no end in sight but the booze has loosened my mind and my forward slouch tells like a clock hand that things are moving on. Another beer, the bar's not too crowded and the haggard chick that works all hours is out on the floor shuffling chairs and half heartedly wiping the tables.

I stand slowly, trying to catch the blondes' eye but she's too busy looking moody and ignoring me. Fuck her, I'll cruise down the road and find a decent chick who's into me, likes a good time, maybe has some pills, the beers no good now anyway, I need something harder.

The doorman nod their sardonic nod like every other night as if this was my first here. Fuck them, I'm in here every god damned day and all they can do is nod at me on the way out. On the way in they ignore me completely.

The wind is ripping along the beach and the sand is in my ears and eyes and mouth and my vision is blurred. Its not a long walk to the pub but it's cold and I have to pull my hands into the sleeves of my jacket. Fuck this, I stop and light a joint sitting on a low wall watching seagulls fight the wind and then glide up in control now and soaring out of the glow of the lights and into the true night of stars.

I burn my fingers putting the joint out and stand again, too quickly, my world spins, the seagull cries wobble and bounce in my ears as the blood rushes to my brain leaving my legs without a chance and I'm down again, on the wall with a noise like breaking bone. Fuck this, I light the joint again and slide from the wall onto the damp grass and pull my collar up and suck hard on the tiny roach between my fingers.

Looking up I see the smudged and salty windows of the bar, the blonde is still there, she's at the bar and alone, warm and light. I stand slowly this time, wary of another turn but missing it when the world stands still and I step over the wall and back toward the bar.

The doorman ignore me as I stagger back in with a grin that will look like a sneer and eyes that I know will be red. The working chick is back and looking eager with her hand on the tap. No, I say, I need something stronger. Gin & tonic. Lime and ice. She turns away and I do the same to check the blonde but she's gone, her glass on the table but no lime. I turn back, fumble for change in my pocket and throw down enough for the drink and a tip. Sarah, the chick says. What? Sarah, the blonde girl, she asked if I knew you.

As she spoke my head pounded and I felt my legs going again, I reached for the bar but got it all wrong and collopsed forward, cracking my chin on the way through and landing in a pool of beer and my own blood. What happened next I can't say but when I came to the blonde was kneeling with my head in her lap, her ruby nails stroking my hair and a look like only a mother can give. I was sick, she wiped my lips and looked deeper into me and I let go, the days and weeks surging out of me in tears and saliva and blood and I told her that it was too much but the she could bring me back, give me the light that I need to live.

Then there was nothing, I was suspended in darkness and only pain existed, then came the light, piercing and intense and I returned to my body when a hand touched mine and I opened my eyes. The rough chick was sat on the floor, blood on her hands and chest, her eyes full of tears as she held a beer towel to my chin. Come on she said, I'll get you home. Fuck that, get me a beer.

thegooddoctor 2004